I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
