I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
