I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
