I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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