you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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