Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
