2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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