I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
