And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
