I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
