Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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