I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
