It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
