Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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