Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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