i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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