Moan for me like Helen Keller
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
