So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
