just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
