Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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