I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
