he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
