can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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