Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
