ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
