oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
