my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
