My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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