well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
