Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
