Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
