just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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