your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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