so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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