I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
