you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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