After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
