In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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