I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
