The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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