You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
