I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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