So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
