"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I look excited, but its just a facade.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
