i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
