I could make wine with my vomit
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
