The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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