dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
