Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't deserve a penis
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
