i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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