woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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