Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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