After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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