i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
