i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
