I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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