eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
