oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
