I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
