it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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