It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
