sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
