I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
