just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
