I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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