If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
