It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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