Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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