About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
