Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
