Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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