too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
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Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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