Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
