i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
