The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
