I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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