you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
