And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
